Things Get Messy

Things Get Messy   oil/canvas   14 x 11

And...speaking of masks...So often, for many people,  it seems that the notion of "portrait" means a smiling face and pleasant demeanor...conjuring up all of those photography portrait studio pics we all grew up with.  A painted portrait is so very different to me...a relaxed countenance that will hold up for hours while the artist does the work.  I crave honesty above all....

For the past couple of years (during the covid outbreak), it has been more and more difficult to keep up the smiling mask.  Our family has been blessed in so many ways and lucky in many ways, to be certain.  And still, the overall atmosphere of doom and the multitudinous ways we have been forced to adapt have taken a toll.  So many more things to consider and so many more hoops to jump through.  This self-portrait was painted from a reference selfie shot in my studio with the help of a strong light source.  The weariness and the stress are evident and, to me, tell the story of this point of time far more accurately than the many mask-wearing self-portraits that have been shown in many exhibitions.  

This is what is underneath the mask.
 

New Hat Old Mirror Same Old Self

New Hat Old Mirror Same Old Self   charcoal and watercolor on paper   13.5 x 10

Standing at the easel in the new year is so very daunting!  The longer one has "holidayed", the more difficult.  Taking a self-assessment is, I think, a good thing...it provides a re-ordering and a re-prioritizing.  Other artists have told me repeatedly that my self-portraits don't do me any favors.  Beauty is not my aim...I have always known that.  I would rather the beauty come from the stroke-making, the artistic rendering and the overall concept. 

My son and daughter-in-law visited the Kirk Mangus exhibit at the Cleveland MOCA while in the area over Christmas and brought home a brochure.  Mangus' work was completely free and original and seemed to lack our prejudicial notion of harmony and beauty.  He said, "Beauty is a figment of the imagination.  It is also completely controlled by prejudices". 

From the brochure and the artist Soetsu Yanagi:

A true artist is not one who chooses beauty in order to eliminate ugliness, he is not one who dwells in a world that distinguishes between the beautiful and the ugly, but rather he is one who has entered the realm where strife between the two cannot exist.

This work was done from life in my studio while looking into an antique mirror with many imperfections.

Amen.

Line:Mass...a self-portrait

The Devil in Disguise

There are really two distinct approaches to drawing:  line and mass, and I believe that, for each of us, one excites more than the other.  Line involves line-making, all kinds, in order to build the surfaces and to define the subject.  Lines can be overlaid; hatched and cross-hatched.  Line drawings can run the gamut from simple to complex.  Lines are strong and resilient. Lines are produced from the the drawing tool, the pencil, from its stylus end.  Mass, on the other hand, results from often using the sides of the tool, with lots of mushing around.  Blending stumps are used, as are erasers.  The end result is, in my opinion, softer and more painterly.  I am definitely a mass-person.  However, as in most aspects of my life, I am a hybrid.  I like to use the power of the line to add a bit of punch (I like to think of it as punctuation) to a softer mass drawing.

The Devil in Disguise was drawn while looking in a mirror.  I am very satisfied in its ability to convey what I wanted:  that the mask is indeed separate from the head and that is presence has squished my eyes into an uncomfortable position.  I am also satisfied with the mass and mark-making, a good combination, I think, of the two approaches.

Odd Devil Out...

Devil in Disguise...a sketch

At the Halloween mask session, we had an uneven number of artists in class that evening.  Lucky for me, the mirrors on the side of the room provided a place for me to study my own portrait.  The devil mask of cloth was a relief compared to the other choices in my dress-up box which included several full-face rubber masks.  The cloth mask seemed less irritating to my head cold.  My goals were:  to describe the mask in such a way that viewers would be able to understand the material from which it was made; to bring up the likeness on the bottom half so that it would contrast with the mask on top; and to describe the eyes in such a way so we understand that they are in shadow and definitely on a plane behind the holes of the mask.

I found that the eye-cut-outs were askew and that tickled my fancy.  That added to the fun of it all.

In addition, I find that whole devil/angel notion of paired opposites to be interesting as well as intriguing.  Positively devilish.

Paper Dolls? Surely you Jest........

Paper Linda  watercolor/mixed...a paper doll  11.5.x 7

Paper Linda (back)

One of our first creative problems to solve in watercolor class involved the making of paper dolls.  Needless to say, the project was met with skepticism.  My motivation was twofold:  to understand the moving of painting in three dimensions in the focal area (the face) to a more flatly rendered body and clothing; as well as to paint what is imagined, yet unseen (the back of the figure).

Artists brought picture of themselves as children.  One artist just painted a self-portrait that moved from detail into more of an abstract presentation at the bottom.  I ended up painting a front and a back, as well, stitched the edges on my sewing machine and stuffed it lightly with cotton balls.  All in all, the project was a bit of silly fun.  Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously.

Who am I?...

Hiding Behind Curls   watercolor   10.5 x 9

We artists often struggle with self-definition.  What makes our own particular brand of picture-making our own?  As we study other painters, we wish to assimilate their virtues without copying them.  We also long for self-definition.  Very often, in my experience, we find when we are on the road to SELF when we look around and realize what we are not.  I idolized one particular painter's style until I realized that he just didn't give a damn about paint quality.  Paint quality is so important to me.  So I splintered off from this idolatry toward some other admiration.  And so on and so on.  What is left at the end of the long journey, hopefully, is what we are, what makes our own work our own....SELF.  For some, vivid colors rule.  For others, spontaneous stroke-making.  Story-telling is at the top of the list for some. For others, having a finished work that is exactly like its photograph....one could hardly tell the difference.  Others enjoy softness.  Some lots of simple hard-edged forms.  Calm.  Hyperactive texture.  The list goes on and on.  The list of design elements and principles is our list of ingredients and how we put them all together makes each and every painting recipe a bit different. 

For Christmas, I was given the complete works of Van Gogh.  This book is so heavy that I have to use a pillow on my lap for support....I simply couldn't lift it in order to have a close look.  It really is like holding a child. Van Gogh paints the same subject again and again, each different yet the same.  They are all his.

Maybe we worry too much about self-definition.  Maybe all of our paintings are valid.  I wanna be like Van Gogh......excepting that ear thing.

Ntozake Shange

i tried to love her fiercely   oil/canvas   48 x 24 x 1.5

If we are open to the universe, we can be inspired by our intake of all kinds of ideas: music, books, people, acts of kindness and events. Those small inspiration-bites hit me like a brick....make no mistake about it.....my right brain underlines, italicizes, and makes bold any notion that speaks to me personally. When my children were smaller, I was fortunate to complete one or two paintings during a calendar year. I read inspirational biographies of women like Alva Myrdal whose diplomatic career took off after child-rearing. Such is poetry of Ntozake Shange, an American poet who speaks to women and African-American women in particular. At a time when I was struggling so very much (more than now), trying to begin a career after my children were in school, I read her words: "i found god in myself/ and i loved her; i loved her fiercely". I needed empowerment. I needed to love myself. I needed to hear the words of Ntozake Shange. The Artists Archives of the Western Reserve Annual May Members Show opens May 1 with a reception from 6-8:30 pm and runs through June 4. The gallery is free and open to the public. Gallery hours are: W, Th and F from 10-4 and Sat from 12-4. The Artists Archives is located at E. 123rd Street in Cleveland in the same neighborhood as Cleveland Institute of Art.

Taking Stock

Chameleon   oil/canvas   20 x 16

The "Winter Blues" exhibit at Second April Galerie in Canton features a marvelous sculptural piece called "Taking Stock". Hit me like a brick. It seems that many artists do self-portraits every now and then.....I do. It helps up to take stock, to see ourselves and our place in the world, to think about our shortcomings and our neuroses and how to deal with them. Every vacation photo was the same....tanned smiling faces.....all except mine. Mine was a sunburned red smiling face. I was perpetually teased and singled out. Yuck. Several years ago, during a snowstorm, I pulled my easel up to the large windows, used a mirror and painted myself with the swirling whiteness behind me. My skin looks dark in comparison. I struggle and it shows. Honesty. I don't tan....I deal with it.